


Talking

by kittyyzma



Series: What We've Started [3]
Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 21:51:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4116151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyyzma/pseuds/kittyyzma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have a silent understanding. But Tris wants Eric to open up to her. She later understands why he hasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey there again.
> 
> I told myself I wasn't going to post this yet -I had a whole argument with myself about it but, here we are. This is the 3rd installment of the Chasm series, and possibly the most angsty (?)
> 
> Drop a review at the bottom, and tell what you thought, please.

Tris should have ended things with Four, she should have told him that she wasn't as into him as he was with her. She should have told him that she never really liked him and that her interest in him - after she sorted through all of her feelings - she realized, were a result of him liking her. He was the first Dauntless interaction she had had, and she had latched onto him because it was easy to do. He was always around, hanging over her and the initiates, paying attention to her every move. He had intrigued her at one point, the dark, brooding thing he did sometimes drew her in because she had never interacted with someone as closed off as him.

But now she just felt bad. He knew she wasn't into their relationship anymore - of course he stayed though, and she told herself it was because he didn't like quitting things. He had an unrelenting need to hold on to things because he'd lost so much in his younger years. And despite her wanting other things, she felt attached to him. She felt bad for him. It wasn't pity, but he didn't talk to anyone, ever. And she had taken on that role for him. But now, she was never present. She was always there in the flesh but she was always somewhere else in her heard.

She looked over at him, watching him sleep. It had been hours and that's all they'd been doing. Tris had pretended to sleep until she felt him relax and heard his breathing slow down and then she moved away from him. She had held her breath as he felt around the bed for her, but relaxed when he stopped moving.

There was a nagging thought in the back of her mind telling her that she was mad at him. For the past week since her Chasm incident, she didn't acknowledge that anger, and she didn't bring it up because it would mean that she would have to put everything she was feeling into words - she had never been good at that. And she'd have to come to terms with the truth - the truth that she was leaving him for Eric.

Her anger stemmed from the fact that Four wasn't there. Not once did he ask her what she was feeling. The night day he fended off her attackers - Peter, Drew and Al - they never spoke about it again. Then with Al, he just let her be. And it was fine for a couple hours, but she had been left alone with those pesky thoughts; feelings of remorse and guilt. And not once did Four ask her what she was feeling. He just assumed she was strong enough.

And dammit, she wanted to be, but she wasn't. She needed someone to tell her she wasn't wrong when she turned Al away, and that she had every right in the world to tell Al she'd never forgive him. And Four didn't do it. Tris had acknowledged that he wasn't a mind reader and couldn't tell what went on in her head. The problem was the fact that he didn't even ask, it was like he didn't want to know, and he was fully content with ignoring what happened - or blame all of it on Eric's "new rules."

Everything always ended up about Eric in the end. Every single thing that was wrong with the faction was pinned on him. And it didn't take Tris long to realize she wanted to be around him because she hadn't understood him. He was an enigma to her and she came to the realization that he always would be. He was only ever silent around her and her friends. The only time he opened his mouth was to bark an order or say something that was so seemingly vicious it caused people around him to recoil. Tris however, deduced that there was more to him. She thought he was a tortured soul - most likely something less dramatic that wasn't defined by the term tortured soul.

Tris found herself thinking about him more than not, but when he spoke, it just made her roll her eyes and fight the urge to punch him or ask him a question. But after that fateful night where she was alone with him- they hit a turning point. She found herself missing his presence. She started searching for him in training, the cafeteria, and anywhere else she went. Four had asked her about it, and she had always elected to stay silent because her lies were always weak - she just couldn't break that Abnegation trait.

Tris pressed her hands to her temples and accepted the fact that she wasn't going to sleep. It was 1:45 in the morning and she wondered if Eric was asleep.

She kicked off Four's covers and put her bare feet on the cold floor. She grabbed her jacket from the arm of the chair in the corner of his room, her shoes, and gave him one last look before she walked out of his flat.

Tris stared down at her feet as she made her way to the stairwell at the end of the hall. She took the stairs because it gave her enough time to think about what she was doing - if she wanted to turn about and walk back to Four. In the end, she lost count of the amount of steps she took and ended up in front of Eric's door. She was hoping he was sleeping peacefully and she would get next to him and sleep too. She flipped over his doormat and picked up the emergency key, unlocked his door and put the key back.

Tris dropped her shoes and her jacket on the way to his room, moving slowly and lazily. She opened his door as quietly as she could and closed it just as quietly. Like she had expected, Eric was asleep, clutching a pillow and the blanket to his chest. She took slow steps toward him as she put her hair up in a ponytail.

She noticed a slight change in the expression on his face, and before she could prepare herself, he was pulling her down and holding a knife to her throat. Tris shot her hands up to his shoulders from the suddenness of his actions. She looked him in the eyes - hers wide, "It's me, Eric. It's just me, Tris."

The coldness in his eyes fell away and they softened - turning a clear blue as he dropped his forehead toward hers, moving his hand to the side of her head, removing the knife from her throat. "What are you doi- I could I have hurt you."

"But you didn't." Tris tried to smile at him, her thumbs moving in circles on his shoulders. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

He nodded slowly, "Don't apologize, I should. I'm sorry."

Tris was alarmed by it, and she so badly wanted to ask why he slept with a knife under his pillow, but chose not to. She pulled him down giving him only one option, putting his arms on either side of her body as to not completely squish her. She had her legs spread apart and bent at the knees, with her arms wrapped around his biceps - his hips between her legs.

Their foreheads touched and they breathed in at the same time - in complete unison. It wasn't the first time they'd done it, it had slowly become something they just did, as a greeting. Tris felt is was a way for them to become the same.

He used his left hand to caress her cheek, asking her forgiveness again. Tris exhaled, nodding against his forehead, as if she was telling him she was okay. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked, and she nodded.

"No." Tris sighed. He said nothing else because he knew where she had been. He knew she hadn't told Four yet. He wasn't upset about it though, because a part of him didn't want her to. In the back of his mind, he knew she was better off being with Four. Because while she may not have realized it, he couldn't be a relationship guy - in the end, he couldn't fall in love. He was too fucked up. It was just so hard to tell her that she was choosing the wrong one because he didn't want it to be true. And it was so unfair of him. He was being selfish.

"Okay." He said, laying down beside her and turning her with him - their foreheads still pressed together.

Tris had found that she kept her eyes closed most of the times they'd been together - just listening to their breathing and usually letting it lull her to sleep. But she couldn't let sleep take her that night. "Eric?"

"What?" He responded flatly. He winced at the tone of his voice, harsh and unforgivingly true to who he was; mean. He hadn't meant to sound that way, and he always tried to filter what he was like around her recently, but it didn't work when he was tired. She didn't seem to mind, and if she had, she didn't say anything about it or let it deter her.

"Why do you - why is there -" She was struggling and he knew what was coming. "what's the knife for?"

He wanted to get up and leave just to escape the topic, but he couldn't. He didn't know how to answer the question truthfully. He'd have to go into full detail and he didn't want to go through all of that. "Let's just sleep, yeah?" He asked, he pleaded.

Tris opened her eyes and saw him looking at her, begging her not to push any further. She didn't say anything for a long while, she just simply stared into his eyes, looking for something that would answer her question. He just looked sad. Tris nodded and kissed his cheeks, one side after the other, before she buried herself in his embrace.

She looked over his shoulder and found herself building questions in her head. She wanted to know why he was the way he was. But not once did she question his intentions. She felt him relax whenever she was around him. They'd share looks of relief when either of them walked into a room. Tris knew this wasn't about her.

It was about him- she wished he could tell her, but she knew they barely knew each other. This whole arrangement was an accident and for pure cuddling purposes - intense cuddling - but she knew it wasn't a conventional relationship. She just found herself wanting to be around him. She felt like kind of hypocrite because she absolutely detested the fact that Four didn't talk to her about his feelings but neither did Eric and to her it felt different. It felt like he wanted to tell her and just couldn't find the words because he didn't know how to.

Tris knew he'd never been anything other than a loner who kept himself sane by holding people at arm's length. She knew she was the first person - most likely since Amar - to get underneath his hard shell and force him to talk. And maybe that was it. Eric had lost Amar - the man had actually died and then that death was pinned on Eric because of a disagreement they had. Eric was used to shouldering the blame for things and he wouldn't handle something happening to her too. Not to mention whatever was happening between them was new and foreign to them both and possibly fleeting - he had no need to tell her what he was thinking. Neither had she told him he could.

Tris lifted her chin from his shoulder, "Hey Eric?"

"Yeah?" He answered after a few moments, groggy from exhaustion.

Tris was unsure if she should say what she wanted to say; the fear of being too pushy holding her tongue. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You can talk to me." She whispered. She felt Eric's hand gently latch onto the back of her neck and his face move from her neck slightly. "I don't want you to feel like you can't. Talk to me, hell, scream if you have to."

He opened his mouth to say something, like he was trying to find a way to say what he was thinking and couldn't. A long stretch of time passed before he pulled her closer and nodded. "Okay."

Tris sighed and kissed the valley between his bare shoulder and neck, smiling against the sensitive spot as he reacted with a shiver.

"Okay."


End file.
